i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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