i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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