Swine flu. Run for my life!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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