I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
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So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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