i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize