I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize