I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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