I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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