Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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