Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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