PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize