Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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