I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize