her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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