i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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