The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize