hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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