Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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