She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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