Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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