I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she woke up with a sticky ear
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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