The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
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Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
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Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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