Whod you bang
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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