his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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