If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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