lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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