I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize