put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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