Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I can text with my tongue
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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