I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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