Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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