what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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