please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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