dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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