Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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