I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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