You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize