Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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