I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
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You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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