Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
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I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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