new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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