I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
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you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
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He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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