hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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