i think my mom watched the whole time
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize