Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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