Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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