i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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