I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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