official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'd cum for enchiladas.
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Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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