'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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